choose your own adventure.

i used to love those 'choose your own adventure' books. as a kid, you really felt like you a had a say in the storyline and it made reading way more fun. i would cheat and bunny ear the pages just in case the main character faced an untimely death and i would start over. if only making choices were that easy in real life. the older you get the harder it is to make choices. when your younger(ages 4-10) you know exactly what you want and don't really mind the consequences. when your older, you have more people to think about. that whatever decision you make- affects a lot of people. i recently applied to the peace corps. something i've always wanted to do but never saw through. i always put it off, making one excuse after the other. but i finally finished the application and was given the opportunity to interview with a recruiter. from here the recruiter can either nominate me or not. if given the chance to actually go overseas for 27 months i wonder if i'd really go. everything inside of me is telling me to go but then my brain tells me that i need to stay and get a job, maintain my friendships, watch my niece and nephew grow older, and etc. as far as i know- we live just once. i want my life to mean something. for it to matter. and i know there are a hundred ways i could volunteer locally but a chance like this is not one that comes around often. to be immersed in a different culture, to be able give and to learn from someone different than me. natalie was talking to me about windows in our life and how as you get older the windows start to slowly close. she was saying that as much as she would like to go volunteer somewhere she couldn't because of her kids and commitments. if i were ever to go, now would be the time. but like always, i'm getting ahead of myself. i may interview horribly and that'll be that but i need to at least try. we all make sacrifices in our daily life. and we have to live with them.