for reals, we get stuck in a rut cause the people around us expect us to be a certain way. i'm not blaming anyone for anything but it's hard to change when the people (friends and family) around you expect you to be a certain way.
elbert's always going to speak before he thinks. or elbert's just crazy.
being all alone i'm able to evaluate myself. kinda like unpacking. what to keep and what to throw away?
different sides of me are coming out. i never knew i could be so brave and strong. (not to toot my own horn but TOOT)
something about portland makes me want to start being healthy. eat right and exercise. i've been doing both for the past couple of days and i hope it sticks.
it kinda dawned on me that i'll be living here for a year. the uncertainty is so exciting! who will my friends be? how will i like the rain? and etc.
so last night i found myself at a bar. not just any bar but like a dance bar, if that makes sense. i felt so awkward. i had a drink in my head and was kinda swaying back and forth trying to fit in. it didn't work. i was about to leave and head home. i felt more lonely being at this bar than i did at home. all these strangers with their friends and me just by myself. but i saw this one guy, kinda chubby and balding- he was on the dance floor without a care in the world. his dance moves were out of this world! he really didn't care what anyone thought of him. he made my night. so i chugged my drink and i dance a fool. i closed my eyes and just let go. when did i start caring so much about what strangers thought of me? who cares if i went alone. i had fun.
will update this blog more regularly, so please feel read to read and comment.
