Trial, error, and love.

How do we know when we love someone? And how do you make love last? 

I wish we knew who we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives with. But I guess that would take out the mystery, and surprise out of life. Sometimes easier is not always better. 

Is it better to have a good friend, or a good lover? 

No one said it would be easy. 

I'm falling apart, and I don't know why. I know why. Because I can't stand up for myself. 

24, and directionless. That feels about right. 

The worst feeling is that feeling you get when you realize you've been fooled. But at least your better because of it. Toying with ones emotions is cruel, and very unusual. But I guess that's the game of love. I'm going to write more, but the laundry's calling my name. 

people are stoopid.

i will not hang out with people who....

use money as a leverage

think they're better than everyone else

pick sides

have no moral compass

see people as objects

that is all for now.. 

i think your evil, and you have a bad heart. 

treat people the way you like to be treated. 

Wildly be who you are. 

euphoric moments.

Last weekend I drove up to Humboldt to see a potential grad school. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a robot. I really can't tell sometimes. Graduate school would mean more money.. But, I don't really need money. I'm happiest when I'm poor. But I know getting a masters would please my parents, and it might impress my friends or lovers. Haha. Elbert Park is a Master!  It has a nice ring to it. But really. Life is about choice. Vanilla or Chocolate. 

We were driving, and my friend slammed on the brakes. We almost hit a family of deer. Three to be exact. They looked our way, and just continued walking. We pulled over, and started following them. The quiet footsteps of the deer, I can only describe as euphoric and peaceful. They would occasionally shoot us a glance our way, and they continued walking. I think they just had dinner, and we taking a stroll. Graduate school, money, love, and robots were the last thing on my head. This experience was surreal, and utterly real at the same time. After about 7-8 minutes the deer turned left, and headed into the forest. I closed my eyes, and told myself I would never forget this moment. 

I have a choice. 

"Don't ask what what the world needs. Instead, ask what makes you come alive, And go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have truly come alive". 

I want to be alive. I had originally titled my blog 'the everyday', because I wanted to celebrate the small, beautiful things in life. To accentuate the everyday. To indulge in the small pleasures in life. Eating with friends, holding hands with lovers, crying when I am sad, and when I am happy. 

 I'm having a motherless Mother's Day. (my mom lives 6 hours away) So I'm spending it with a friend. Which reminds me of this quote I heard years back.

Treat your family like friends, and your friends like family. 

Happy Mother's Day.

Carl Jr.

This is my friend Carl Jr, but he goes by Carl most of the time. I've only met Carl for a short while, but it's been a great run so far. I met Carl through my classmate and friend Katie. They've been dating for about two years now.  The first time I really met Carl was at my house. We were having a party and I had invited Katie, and she brought Carl. We were having a great, drunk time. I played bartender that night and had made some really good but strong drinks. Needless to say, we were feeling pretty good. No matter where you were in the house, you heard Carl. He's a pretty loud guy, in a good way, not the annoying loud, but a funny, charismatic way. A couple hours pass and we hear a knock on the door. The cops decided to stop by because our neighbor decided to be a jerk. Carl wouldn't have any of it. He just ran and ran and took Katie along for the ride. Why they fled, I will never know. They peed in bushes, climbed in trees, and did their best to evade the cops. The cops simply told us that everyone had to leave, there was no need for Carl and Katie to flee. Why they bolted- I will never know.. The morning after I hear a knock on my door. It was Katie. They had slept in the car. Why? I have no idea. And that's the first time I met Carl. 

Carl's a great guy. He's always smiling, and if he's not smiling he's drinking. He even smiles when he drinks. I mostly see Carl at nighttime. I've only seem him midday once, and he didn't look too good. He was tired and grumpy, so maybe it's best I only see him at night. Carl can make anyone feel at ease and comfortable. He has one of the biggest personalities I have ever met, and he's sincere and genuine. One time Katie, Carl , Duncan and I were at a gay bar and after a couple drinks, Carl shouts,"Wow, gay people are fun!" I love Carl, and I'm almost sure you will too.